WHY I HATE TINY TIM

  1. Why is everyone so welcoming of this little urchin who keeps showing up to intimate family gatherings with contagious diseases?
  2. And why is he so obnoxiously happy? He's living in poverty in London in 1880.
  3. A modern Tiny Tim would be even worse though. Can you imagine his Facebook page?
  4. He'd adopt every. single. profile picture overlay.
  5. And those sanctimonious statuses.
  6. "Enjoying every moment of this beautiful day!"
  7. "So sick but so grateful for YOUR health!"
  8. And the comments he'd leave.
  9. Kathy: "Man the people at Macys were so rude!"
  10. You have a comment from Tiny Tim: "I'm sorry you're not having a glorious day, Kathy! I've never been inside Macys but oh how many happy hours have I spent gazing at those window displays and toys? Oh boy, just think about them and you'll be so so happy again!!!"
    Kathy has unfollowed Tiny Tim.
  11. You know he'd use too many exclamation points.
  12. Tiny Tim would like his own statuses.
  13. His List App bio would be: "#blessed"
  14. He'd Instagram all the measly meals at the Cractchit household.
  15. "Four whole peas today!!! And such juicy ones!!!!! #organic"
  16. How could anyone ever like Tiny Tim?
  17. Jesus himself would find Tiny Tim annoying.
  18. Blessed are the meek, not the creepy little motherfuckers.
  19. They shall not inherit anything.
  20. Especially invitations to social events.
  21. But they'll show up anyway.
  22. "You forgot to invite me to dinner, Jesus!!! But hey! It's ok Jesus!!! We all forget things sometimes!!!! I just tagged along with Paul!!!"
  23. "Paul. You've betrayed me. Again. Judas, here's forty bucks. Just send me home. Deliver me away from Tiny Tim. I just want this to end."
  24. And that's the real story of the last supper.
  25. Those ghosts were sent to Scrooge so that Tiny Tim might live a little longer and everyone in the afterlife could avoid him.
  26. Anyway hope everyone had a great Christmas.
  27. God bless us. Everyone.
    CEPT FOR MOTHER FUCKING TINY TIM