The Downside of Owning and Operating Testicles

  1. They are never where they are supposed to be
  2. Sometimes I fear they have left and have to check, often in public
  3. Their sense of timing as to when they decide to become itchy is impeccable
  4. Some days, depending on the settings, a gentle nudge can either cause crippling pain or overwhelming joy
  5. A lot more thought goes into what is restrictive and what is not when selecting underwear. The wrong selection can be a humbling experience. This of course needs to be balanced with hanging around too long in the underwear section at stores.... Which is why it's full of women selecting the right pair for them instead.
  6. Zippers focus the mind. A simple miscalculation can have devastating effects particularly when you need to factor in their incessant need to be on the move.
  7. They are never quite as large as you'd hoped or remembered when on display during 'let's do a nude run' moments or awkward shower to locker walks at the gym.
  8. Shaving them is like mowing the lawn during an earthquake.
  9. Surprisingly, for all her wisdom Mother Nature never considered that sometimes we may need to run without them being held in place. If you don't nail your gait and speed at the start, the result is an embarrassing mix of loud slapping sounds and a wildly swinging purse.