THINGS THAT I SOMETIMES DO THAT MAKE ME APPEAR TO BE A REAL ADULT

The following occur probably 45% of the time
  1. Not crying before/during/after my flu shot
    Just barely (there may have been a tear)
  2. Paying off credit card bills (slowly)
    "Oh, this is only 35% of my total bill? Better than 10%..."
  3. Walking past stands on the street that sell red sour straws and not buying them
    Don't look at them or make eye contact with the man in the bodega...
  4. Only eating 1.5 cupcakes instead of 4 at the office
    It's rude not to when Partners went through all this trouble to send them. Just rude.
  5. Getting away with black jeggings at work because they're from Banana Republic
    If they look like pants, then they are pants.
  6. Getting excited about wearing Banana Republic
    Wait are they having a sale right now? I hope it's on tops!