PRIORITIES AKA "UTERUSES BEFORE DUDERUSES
Thank you Leslie Knope/Ann Perkins for this title. Here are some other ways to prioritize your life.
- •Toys before boysWay too many middle school girls think they need a boyfriend. Go get Just Dance 2016, hang out with your besties, and have a blast.
- •Cats before HatsI'm much more of a cat person than a chapeau person.
- •Food before DudeTake yourself out for a tasty treat! You deserve it! Especially if you're into froyo and he's not.
- •Pals before GalsHang with your friends and for Pete's sake, don't say "Bros before Hoes." It's disrespectful to every woman. Do you want someone to call your Mom a ho?
- •Dump before TrumpAs in the phrase "Dump Trump"
- •Bros before CrowsUnless you are really, really into bird watching. Then it's OK.
- •Gin before KinFor those terrible family dinners where the family bigot goes up against the family progressive.
- •Kin before GinWhen the above issues don't apply.
- •Popcorn before MatterhornBecause I wouldn't want to ride that attraction in Disneyland. I prefer to eat and observe.
- •Joe's before HoesI prefer Trader Joe's to using a farming implement.
- •Toes before HoesI'm concerned about injuring my tootsies using above mentioned farm tool.
- •Lists before FistsBecause this is a safe place as opposed to being involved in the virtual fistfights that come with being on Facebook and Twitter. I truly can't take that kind of punch. I like it much better here.