PRIORITIES AKA "UTERUSES BEFORE DUDERUSES

Thank you Leslie Knope/Ann Perkins for this title. Here are some other ways to prioritize your life.
  1. Toys before boys
    Way too many middle school girls think they need a boyfriend. Go get Just Dance 2016, hang out with your besties, and have a blast.
  2. Cats before Hats
    I'm much more of a cat person than a chapeau person.
  3. Food before Dude
    Take yourself out for a tasty treat! You deserve it! Especially if you're into froyo and he's not.
  4. Pals before Gals
    Hang with your friends and for Pete's sake, don't say "Bros before Hoes." It's disrespectful to every woman. Do you want someone to call your Mom a ho?
  5. Dump before Trump
    As in the phrase "Dump Trump"
  6. Bros before Crows
    Unless you are really, really into bird watching. Then it's OK.
  7. Gin before Kin
    For those terrible family dinners where the family bigot goes up against the family progressive.
  8. Kin before Gin
    When the above issues don't apply.
  9. Popcorn before Matterhorn
    Because I wouldn't want to ride that attraction in Disneyland. I prefer to eat and observe.
  10. Joe's before Hoes
    I prefer Trader Joe's to using a farming implement.
  11. Toes before Hoes
    I'm concerned about injuring my tootsies using above mentioned farm tool.
  12. Lists before Fists
    Because this is a safe place as opposed to being involved in the virtual fistfights that come with being on Facebook and Twitter. I truly can't take that kind of punch. I like it much better here.