I truly wouldn't put this anywhere else. Most of my friends don't know.
  1. On Thursday, my already weak 85 year old father was taken to the hospital with sepsis.
  2. He's been in an endless cycle of ER visits, hospital stays, rehabs, and senior living for a couple years now. Last year, in particular, was a nightmare.
  3. So, they tell us on Thursday night that he is critical and guarded. My brother and sister-in-law come to Long Island from NJ on Friday. My husband comes with me to the ER. He says good-bye and thank you to us all. He tells us he loves us and that he wants to die.
  4. My brother and I tell him whatever he needs to do is fine. We will take good care of Mom.
  5. He rallies and is much improved. He's out of the ICU, no longer critical, and is fighting off the infection.
  6. The issue is, he can no longer swallow and the next step is surgery for a feeding tube, recovery, and then rehab for at least a month.
  7. My Mom and I asked him twice if he wanted to go to hospice and he said yes.
  8. So, now we are in a holding pattern until Mom and Dad can meet with a hospice counselor.
  9. The waiting is the worst part right now-waiting for news, waiting for a doctor's call, waiting for him to fade away on morphine and fluids only.
  10. I keep asking God to take him now so this can end. His heart and other organs are OK but he's just done.
  11. He made it through his birthday, Father's Day, and their 57th Anniversary. He saw all of his grandchildren a couple of weeks ago. He signed a new will last week. He saw two good friends the day before this all happened. He has done everything he needs to do.
  12. It still sucks though.