THE STUPID, CONDESCENDING, & RIDICULOUS THINGS THAT ARE SAID/DONE TO CHILDREN OF COLOR
Thanks @JennyJLee for your insights! Your list motivated me to finally write down my experiences
- •My husband I are Caucasian but, for several reasons, we decided to adopt internationally. For those who don't know, this is called "Transracial Adoption."We have friends who are also transracial adoptees. We also have a very diverse group of kids that we hang out with.
- •We have seen and heard some "amazing" things about our kids as well as their friends. This is just a sampling.Often, they are supposed to be well-meaning and complimentary but, in reality, they are often just plain condescending.
- •In the elevator in Hefei, China: In Chinese, some random woman commenting on how light skinned my baby daughter was compared to other babies the elevator.I did not have to understand the language to get what she was saying.
- •When we went to finalize the adoption:The director told us she had the "ideal" Chinese look-light skin and a small mouth.
- •"She hardly looks Chinese!"This was a compliment.
- •"Why would you even tell her she's Chinese?"I so wish I could say that one of my 2nd grade students said this but, it was my mother-in-law.
- •Paraphrasing a friend here but, the gist was that there is no reason to promote any Chinese cultural since everyone around was white.Umm... What?
- •Looking at cute Halloween costumes in our newspaper: A white adoptive mother thought it would be a great idea to dress her two Chinese girls in Chinese takeout boxes.Seriously? My daughter was Snow White, Belle, and Tiana twice. P.S. She has never been Mulan.
- •"She looks Hispanic."Absolutely meant to be an insult, which is despicable.
- •"Tell her she came from a terrible place and you needed to save her. "Perceived good advice. A good idea was from the friend who suggested that in China, often a girl can't be all she can be. Being in America will give her that opportunity.
- •The above goes with this gem aimed at our friend who is black and whose parents are white, as are his brothers: "Just tell him he 'baked' during pregnancy."Fabulous!
- •It also goes with our other friend who is Chinese and Italian and who was cast as the Master Ninja in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dance.Because even though that character was a rat, it was just so CUTE to make the Ninja the Asian kid!
- •My Mother-in-law strikes again! She looks at my two year old son and says, "I know where you can get a blue eyed blond boy."I think this was supposed to be helpful. And to also make it known that my son was not acceptable to carry on the family name so we need to fix it and she could help us.
- •More family fun! Another in-law: "I have no objection with you having little brown children running around."Really? Thanks! We were waiting for your endorsement before we proceeded!
- •"Does she speak English?"She's three. She's been here two years. Why don't you ask her. She'll answer in English.
- •And this happened two days ago about an African-American woman and her son: "She's raising him right."I just couldn't help thinking that this was some type of slight to other black families. Kind of in the sense that nothing will happen to him because of his good upbringing, which in this current climate, just isn't true. I know it was supposed to be complimentary but it was condescending.
- •I'm sure they'll be more in the future. So many uninformed, well-intentioned people.