My first year of motherhood, told through emojis
  1. 🙇Every time my child cries, it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the head by four tiny triangles.
  2. 😭And he cries all the time.
  3. 🙃Days since I've slept: 87. Now down is up and stop means go and yes is no, and I don't know my name anymore.
  4. 😴I just ...
  5. 🍳This is your brain on postpartum hormones.
  6. 👶🏻I love you, baby. But who are you? Why did you come here?
  7. 💃🏽Oh, you want me to sing an aria from "Carmen" as a lullaby? Fine, whatever. I'll dance too.
  8. 🤑Yes, I spent a billion dollars on swaddles and sleep books and miracle blankets and ... my god, anything to make this child rest.
  9. 🙉I don't know what you want! Please stop screaming.
  10. 🚿I can't remember my last shower.
  11. 🐽Pretty sure I smell like garbage.
  12. 🤔I washed all the clothes, but now I have to put them away too? Fuck you, laundry.
  13. 🌮Eating my feelings in tacos.
  14. 🌚The moon has gone dark, and I fear the sun will never rise again.
  15. 💇🏻I was lonely, so I cut off all my hair with kitchen shears.
  16. 🍵Just eat the stupid peas, baby! You loved peas yesterday!
  17. 👃🏼Our lives will dramatically improve when you can pick your own nose.
  18. 💰💰💰Here, daycare. Just take these bags of money.
  19. 💸And these dollar bills too.
  20. ✈️I used to travel.
  21. 🐎Wait! Stop running away when I'm trying to change your diaper!
  22. 🏃🏻Why are you growing so fast?
  23. 🐣You were so tiny.
  24. 🐥And now you're so big, so very much your own person.
  25. 🦄You truly are the most amazing creature.
  26. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦When can we have another?