Stuff Jess Never Thought She'd Ever Ever Say

My girl Jess and her man caretake some beautiful land (and its inhabitants) at the edge of the island. This was not her original intention in life.
  1. "I woulda been here earlier but I was castrating sheep."
  2. "Hey there's a chicken on your roof. Wait. No. It fell off."
  3. "I only had enough money to buy either a purse or a shovel at the moving sale. I knew I'd need the shovel eventually - figures that I'd end up using it to bury a baby lamb."
  4. "At 7am! I had to go chasing the sheep down to the ocean!"
  5. "I blew all three lights in one night." (As in, this is the actual number of light bulbs in their yurtygreenhousethingy)
  6. "I couldn't make the wine tasting because I was chasing chickens and then I had to take the dog's anal temperature."
  7. "Yay! My machete!" (Followed by a story which illustrates why machetes are must-have travel tools for Jamaica)
  8. "...That store in Kawaihae that sold shave ice....and monkeys. Oh they also sold fishing gear."