THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE SEEING THE "OH, HELLO" SHOW

Tonight I had the honor of watching George St. Geegland and Gil Faizon perform their two-man show, "Oh, Hello" in Boston. I was besieged by the following thoughts...
  1. Pretty sure I'm the only person seeing this alone. It's not that I have no friends okay, it's just no one else is cool enough for ~edgy~ comedy like me.
  2. The woman in front of me has a shady-looking unopened text message that she won't read in front of her fiancée (I peeped the ring). How do I know it's suspicious? She doesn't have the number saved.
  3. No one has claimed the seat next to me. Both relieved and uneasy. It's increasingly obvious I am here alone.
  4. This play is one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed, and I've seen a homeless woman get into a fight with a newspaper stand and knock it over.
  5. ^^^That's a true story, it happened in DC. Ask Colleen, Mike or Greg.
  6. I'm now in the presence of Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. I could not have a bigger Cheshire grin nor be silently freaking out any more.
  7. I should be on stage with them.
  8. OKAY THEY JUST PULLED AN AUDIENCE MEMBER UP ON STAGE AND PRAHNKED HER WITH TOO MUCH TUNA. THIS REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME.
  9. Feeling robbed of a potential career in comedy.
  10. Why is that woman and her fiancée kissing so much during the show? This lady is clearly comfortable duping her significant other while that unanswered text message burns a hole in her pocket.
  11. They gave a shoutout to the Ronkonkoma LIRR line. Feeling #relevant.
  12. How much of this is improv and how much is scripted? Since I cannot tell, I know I'm watching masters at work. Wowee.
  13. I feel guilty for saying I didn't like Nick Kroll's comedy. I was fooling myself, I'm a true Krollite now. My apologies, @nick.
  14. And just like that, a glorious performance is over. Feeling #blessed, #exhilarated, and #happy that for 2 hours, it was basically like me, Nick, and John were hanging out.
  15. @NickKroll, @JohnMulaney, if you're looking for activities during your time in Boston, feel free to hit me up, I'm happy to show you around.
  16. Was that text message ever read and if so, what did it say?!