1. Statistically speaking you'll likely never "make it"
  2. No, you don't know what anyone is thinking when they look at you
  3. Dating isn't that hard
  4. If you think doing comedy is a substitute for therapy, NO
  5. Don't blame the audience if you bomb - it's always your fault
  6. Worry about impressing the audience, not other comedians
  7. Saying an opinion is not a joke
  8. None of the above applies if you suck the right dick
  9. 👍