1. Read helpful lists.
  2. Try not to imagine what gross stuff they're doing in there.
  3. I mean, you wouldn't want them imagining YOU in there, would you?
  4. Anyway, just try to relax.
  5. Enjoy your unencumbered phone time!
  6. Maybe read a nice little Gawker article? Yikes - never mind - that's never helped anyone.
  7. How did we get into this mess in the first place?
  8. Oh, right, the love of your life has a butthole they use for things other than your adventurous lovemaking.
  9. Well, look, they're a human being after all - what did you expect?
  10. Just turn on the TV loud, like a normal mature adult!
  11. What do you mean "you don't have a TV, you only have Hulu"?
  12. You're clearly missing the point here.
  13. Aaaaaaand hopefully by now your partner has returned to your warm, albeit traumatized, embrace.
  14. You're welcome, internet friend!
  15. Please be sure to write if this list ended up saving your relationship!
  16. I guess let me know, too, if it destroyed your relationship. 😏