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I'd call this list Smells Like Teen Spirit but that's really cliche.
- •Vanilla Frosting Lip SmackersIt was in your mini backpack. You reapplied it constantly. It tasted like cake. And yes, I still own it.
- •Juniper Breeze body sprayYou applied this before school, before gym, after gym, before tennis, after tennis, before you went home, to your bedsheets, your notes to your boyfriend, your dog, etc.
- •CK OneUnisex. Made by Calvin Klein (who was setting trends by hiring heroin chic models like Kate Moss and designing jeans I couldn't afford on an 8th grade allowance). I felt SO cool when I got this for Christmas. Between this and the janet album by Janet Jackson, I was living my best life.
Just wondering where some of the great inventions, shows, and trends of the 80's, 90's, and early 2000's went
- •Get In Shape Girl80's toy for girls. It was a cassette tape, a piece of basic exercise equipment (one pound dumbbells, a jump rope, a baton with a ribbon), and a workout accessory (sweatband, wrist band, leg warmers). It was hugely popular. Why isn't Michelle Obama on this if we're worried about obesity in children? Nothing gets you pumped for a workout like a sweatband.
- •Sprinkle Spangles cerealA 90's cereal that was just puffed oat or corn with SPRINKLES. A reason to get up in the morning. A birthday party every day. Sugar! Some cereals can't get a reboot due to lack of relevance (Looking at you, Mr. T cereal), but this had no character associated with it. And sprinkles are always relevant. Pro tip: Captain Crunch has released Sprinkled Donut Crunch recently, which is quite similar, but not the same.
- •Jake from State FarmHe and his khakis got so much attention for a solid 6-8 months and now he just has to go back to his job as an insurance rep who works the night shift. I bet Jake cries in the shower about his brief brush with fame. Hope it's a story that still gets you laid occasionally, Jake.
- •🎮Pretty sure it's a controller for a Sega Genesis. Send this when something is way too 90's. Example: Your dad wearing an Uncle Phil cardigan or someone doing the Kid n Play at a bar
- •🎍Some people think this is bamboo. I'm pretty sure it's an Emerald City emoji. Insert into any conversations where the Wizard of Oz is relevant.
- •👟Dad sneakers
I'm not usually very violent or aggro, but these people... If I wasn't afraid of catching a charge, these people are first on my list.
- •Social Media SpoilersPeople who post about TV shows on social media while the show is airing.* This is 2015. Most people use DVR to avoid commercials and/or have a life. If you tell me who got kicked off Project Runway or my personal favorite "Five minutes into the final episode of American Horror story and half the cast is dead". YOU'RE TERRIBLE. *this does not include live events that occur yearly like the Super Bowl, awards shows, etc.. That's okay. Everyone is live tweeting that. Do you.
- •Airport line peopleAll the people that sit in zone 4 and line up right before they open the door to the jetway, you're the reason the baby Jesus weeps. People boarding because they have children, need assistance, have priority boarding, have the airlines sky miles card, sit in first class, and zones 1-3 have to go before you. And then because you're lined up for nothing, they have to go around you. SIT. DOWN.
- •Jeff who managed The Max from Saved by the Bell for two episodesHe broke Zack and Kelly up. That's enough.
I left the name blank. Feel free to use as your binding legal document in the case where you might be taking the eternal dirt nap.
- •I, ______________, don't wish to be resuscitated in the event of an incident where my life is at risk.
- •If I was fit and had a treatable/Reversible illness, then they could do whatever they could. I would want IV fluids, as dehydration is miserable, and I would like to make a decision about antibiotics on an infection-by-infection basis.
- •I don’t think I would want nasogastric [tube up the nose] feeding, other than on an extremely temporary basis. A life where I can’t chew/savor food is probably not a life worth living. AKA: no pizza , no thank you.
Chosen at random from my Favorites Album - which contains 99% memes/general awesome from the wonderful weirdos on the interwebz
- •BERT- typically uptight puppet who got a makeover, has the word FUCK, childhood, lunchbox, unibrow, the word neato: word I use to describe anything that's terrible. Meets all criteria for a fave. I hope you and Ernie were finally able to get married and stop being "roommates".
- •Pusheen on a scooter with a Hangover reference- all things amazing and the F word again. This is what happens when you're not even allowed to say "butt" or "crap" as a child. Now I swear like a sailor. Hope you're happy, mom.
- •I read this when I need it.
- 1.Serious discussion with JK Rowling to determine my true Hogwarts house.
- 2.Learn to spell restaurant without autocorrectI am only able to spell the word "glamorous" thanks to Fergie. Now if someone could just make a song called "Restaurant" I'd be set.
- 3.Start a gas leak in a building and walk away really slow from the explosion.