My DNR/Final Requests
I left the name blank. Feel free to use as your binding legal document in the case where you might be taking the eternal dirt nap.
- •I, ______________, don't wish to be resuscitated in the event of an incident where my life is at risk.
- •If I was fit and had a treatable/Reversible illness, then they could do whatever they could. I would want IV fluids, as dehydration is miserable, and I would like to make a decision about antibiotics on an infection-by-infection basis.
- •I don’t think I would want nasogastric [tube up the nose] feeding, other than on an extremely temporary basis. A life where I can’t chew/savor food is probably not a life worth living. AKA: no pizza , no thank you.
- •I don’t want heroics. I want good pain relief and other symptom control, and not to be alone.
- •Let me float off into the sky in a puffy cloud of drugs and be happy with the full life I enjoyed on this earth.
- •If I die, tell my mom I'm still a little mad my bedroom never looked like the apartment on Three Men and a Baby that I begged for my whole childhood. I won't haunt her. I'm just disappointed
- •Donate my organs if at all possible. All of them. My liver is probably useless due to Ketel One. Sorry, people who need livers.
- •Cremate what's left after organs and stuff. Go to the beach and have a keg party. Technically, you can't sprinkle ashes at the beach so just take me out to sea sometime and put some of me in waters near North Carolina.
- •Wear pink and green. Listen to good music and don't be sad. Drink champagne and vodka (not together), eat doughnuts and pizza, and don't forget me.
- •I swear to God, I mean GOOD music. If Darius Rucker's version of "Wagon Wheel" is played or some sappy shit like "Tears in Heaven", I won't be pleased in the afterlife.
- •If someone could add "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back." to my "celebration of life" program, I'd appreciate it. Anyone who realizes it's from Ghostbusters II can stay. Vigo the Carpathian is at times, my spirit animal.
- •If Bone Thugs n Harmony aren't busy, I'd love a rendition of Crossroads to be played at some point but not at a church cause my mom would be embarrassed.
- •Also, if anyone memorializes me via a car sticker or something tacky, I'll haunt all of you. Forever. I'm not busy.