Topics Covered During My Mother-in-law's Weekend Visit to LA

  1. Ice cream
    The doctor said she should eat more of it because it is the best source of calcium available.
  2. My short new(ish) haircut
    "That looks a lot easier to take care of."
  3. Broadway shows
    "I feel terrible for the tourists. Who can pay all that money for those things?"
  4. Van's tennis shoes
    "Never heard of them."
  5. Tortillas
    Each trip we revisit the essential differences between enchiladas and tacos and burritos and quesadillas. "What do you want from me? I'm from the Bronx."
  6. Medical issues
    Including basal cell carcinoma, cystic boobs, hammer toes, watery eyes, shot memory, bunions, high blood pressure.
  7. Her handsome grandson
    Quickly followed by "poo-poo-poo" spitting sounds to ward off the evil eye.
  8. Frontline's Vatican abuse episode
    Retold in graphic detail (in front of said grandson) while we were chillin' in the Jacuzzi.
  9. Shlomo
    A California man who has listed himself as 72 years old on JDate for the last 12 years.
  10. Dan
    The sweet widower she has started seeing who was honest on JDate.
  11. Kosher salt
    "Just as good as any fancy sea salt."
  12. Our mountains, our beaches, our weather
    "You kids really lucked out here."
  13. The New York Times
    "I've subscribed for 50 years and they think they can get rid of the movie listings?"
  14. Joy
    After we saw a press screening of Inside Out at the El Capitan, she told me: "Joy reminded me of you. That's you: 'Let's do this! We can do this!' " Which was about the greatest thing a mother-in-law could say to a daughter-in-law.