15 of the most useless emoji and how to make them useful
We're giving you the run-down on how to contextualize (and sexualize) what some might believe are the most pointless emoji available.
- •PouchTake a closer look at this boring bag. This emoji can easily represent the classic brown lunch bag. The pouch emoji symbolizes the most holy time of the day, lunchtime. Now all you need to do is send this little guy to your co-workers and they'll know to meet in the kitchen to gorge on free office snacks.
- •Passport ControlThe customs agent is checking out your passport, just like I am checking out...you. Send this emoji to a hottie. Let them know you're perusing their bod just like passport control peruses pages of stamps from foreign lands.
- •Dragon FaceAm I the only person with poor eyesight that thought this dragon head was sitting on a dinner plate? Back then, I always saw it as a sign of revenge. Now that I know it's freestanding, I think its main use is to ask your more tired friends, "why you be dragon?" As in, "draggin'." Once this phrase and emoji hit the mainstream, expect moms to text it to their teenagers the world over.
- •ChestnutUpon first glance this emoji seems completely useless, unless you're talking about roasting chestnuts on an open fire. But look more closely. This chestnut is a nut. It looks a bit like a shaved testicle. This one is pretty obvious.
- •Wind Blowing FaceThis seemingly useless emoji is about to be your favorite because it actually has so many uses. She's telling a secret. She's spitting water in your face. She's whispering sweet nothings. She's tokin' and blowin' out smoke. I could go on. This emoji is underrated and it rules.
- •AlembicWhat even is an alembic? Most emoji users aren't scientists, because scientists are smart enough to use their words instead of little pictures to get their points across. That doesn't mean we non-scientific folk can't find a use for this...thing. This little emoji could easily be used as a symbol for a bong. It has the water and the pipe. All it needs is the green herb symbol to get the full point across. Light it up. Or something. I don't know. I don't do drugs.
- •Floppy DiskAnyone born after 1999 has probably never seen a floppy disk. And yet, here it is in our collective emoji library. However, we can still find a use for it. The term 'floppy disk' sounds incredibly close to 'floppy dick'. Obviously its use is for when you're having struggles in the bedroom, or when your partner's sexts just aren't working for you.
- •FoggyThis might actually be the worst emoji ever. It's like a poorly taken photograph that was computer generated for you. However, its useful in two ways. First, it symbolizes a foggy brain. When you have nothing to reply with, just send the foggy emoji. You're tired! They'll understand it, maybe. Its second use is to let people know that you want them to disappear, just like that bridge in the photo. Get the fog outta my texts and stay out.
- •Double Curly LoopHave you ever noticed this emoji? While it seems innocuous, this 'double curly loop' could easily be used as a sign for breasts. Two circles, somewhat connected. Why not, right? After all, female anatomy deserves its own version of the eggplant emoji.
- •MelonThis is obviously another emoji that could be the female anatomical equivalent of the eggpant emoji for men. Some people call boobs, 'melons'. After all, melons don't really have any other use, besides being the worst part of every fruit salad.
- •Fish Cake With Swirl DesignThat swirl clearly looks like a fetus. This emoji is meant for expectant mothers to shock their families in emoji form. Congrats on your baby!
- •Lock With Ink PenWhy does this exist? We have no idea. But it could be considered a pretty romantic symbol if sent in the right context. Healthy couples are like locks and ink pens. Neither needs the other to function but they sorta seem like they could sit in the same junk drawer in your kitchen. Send this to the one you love as a symbol of your meager-at-best but healthy-as-shit compatibility.
- •Page With CurlThis emoji is not exactly about the page itself, but the message. It's an inspirational Jack Kerouac quote that was used in an old Apple campaign. You should send it to the most unique person in your life to boost their self-esteem. Just make sure they have a magnifying glass so they can better read the words on the teeny, tiny emoji.
- •Man In Business Suit LevitatingThe shadow makes this 'levitating' man look like he's actually falling into a hole. This emoji's use is to tell people that you're in a hole, or a bind. Particularly at work. In a tiny black hat. You need a day off.
- •CamelsBoth bactrian and dromedary camels are represented in emoji. Why? Because while it seems useless to have what are essentially two very similar camel emoji, they have completely different uses. The dromedary camel, or the one with a singular hump, is the perfect representation of hump day. The bactrian camel, our double-humped buddy, is clearly a sex symbol. One hump for hump day, two humps for humping on hump day. Duh.