HOW TO TAKE THE PERFECT SELFIE WITHOUT BEING PERCEIVED AS A NARCISSIST

  1. Lighting
    Make sure the lighting eliminates all of your imperfections. The light blocks out the entirety of your nose? Perfect.
  2. Hot body
    Make sure your body is perfectly distorted so it looks as though you could fit into a carry on suitcase. Nothing screams hot like a contortionist
  3. Hair
    Push all of your hair forward so that it looks as though you could donate 2-3 wigs to locks of love at any given moment.
  4. Editing
    Brightness, contrast, saturation, fade, highlight etc., turn them all up.
  5. Don't upload
    You'll thank yourself later when you realize everyone sees past your camera skills, massive phone memory to hold all your outtakes, and bullshit editing.
  6. Upload anyway
    Who am I to tell you what to do? Rule #1: Never take advice from a stranger on the internet. Hell, living your life trying to please others is no way to live at all. Shit, I'm still giving advice. Happy Sunday y'all.