THINGS I'D THOUGHT I'D HAVE BY AGE 31 AS DREAMT UP BY 9 YEAR OLD ME

At age 9 I had big plans. Here's some of them:
  1. 1 wife
    I was going to marry my high school sweetheart at age 22 when we both got out of college. This first went Wrong when I didn't really have a high school sweetheart. Sorry 9 year old me.
  2. 2 kids
    The plan was to have 2 sons at age 25. This way I'd get to see most of their lives if I died early. Yes, young me was worried about dying young. 0 kids currently. Sorry 9 year old me.
  3. 1 mansion
    According to many games of mash I was destined to have a mansion. This two bedroom lease in east Hollywood doesn't seem to fit the bill. Sure it's by ucb but it ain't a mansion. Sorry 9 year old me.
  4. At least 1 Corvette
    I always dreamt of having a cool car. Specifically a corvette. Well I have a car but again it's a lease. And even though it's got great gas mileage, a 2015 Mazda 3 is not a Corvette. Sorry 9 year old me.
  5. 1 Dog
    I mean, a wife, kids, a house? Obviously I need a dog too. This is probably the easiest on the list to obtain and unfortunately I haven't yet. I may still have the teddy bear named dog that I grew up with. But no actual dog running around. Sorry 9 year old me.
  6. A hall of fame worthy baseball career
    Real talk: I was very good at baseball from age 8 - 16. Problem is I rested on my laurels and plateaued. Therefore never making it past being captain of the baseball team in high school. Sorry 9 year old me.
  7. A love of life and just all around happiness
    Actually, go fuck yourself 9 year old me there was no way I was going to have all this by 31.