CARRIE BRADSHAW VOICEOVERS, IF MR. BIG WAS DONALD TRUMP

  1. "But it took me by surprise when Big also grabbed me...by the heart.”
  2. “Could it be possible that Mr. Right was in fact, Mr. Alt-Right?”
  3. "Was I surprised he had once dated Samantha back in the '80s? No. I'd be more surprised if he hadn't."
  4. “I thought maybe, just maybe, if you kiss Pepe the Frog in the right places, he’ll turn into your Prince.”
  5. "Big told me he named his daughter Tiffany after the jewelry store. I could relate: I named my abortion 'Manolo.'"
  6. “He may’ve abandoned his campaign promise to ‘lock her up,’ but when I saw that diamond ring, I knew he wanted to ‘lock me down.’”
  7. “Amazingly, orange is the new White House. And now I was the new Jackie O."
  8. “Move out of Manhattan—to Washington D.C.? I’d just as soon move to Staten Island!"
  9. "Designer after designer refused to dress me for the Inauguration-no matter how many times I mentioned Vogue."
  10. "Unfortunately, Stanford and Anthony won't take my calls unless I quote 'de-Pence and be saved.' Meanwhile, Charlotte won't stop texting me about an ambassadorship to China."
  11. "Me-a racist!? But all of my best LBDs are black!"
  12. “For Big, even after the thrill of victory, came the agony of the tweet."
  13. "I felt like I was in a love triangle with his Twitter mentions."
  14. "Another bad sign? He didn't even laugh when I joked that Caitlyn Jenner should be part of his 'Transition Team.'"
  15. "Perhaps in my zeal to become the First Lady, I had inadvertently become the Thirst Lady."
  16. “As it turns out, there was a new Cold War—in our bedroom.”
  17. “Did I need to become more like his ex Melania….or more like Ivanka?”
  18. "Golden towers? Sure. But this wasn't what I signed up for. What was it with these politicians? They should re-name it 'the G.O.P.P.'"
  19. “I caught him cheating on camera, but when I played him the security tape, he just called it, ‘FAKE NEWS.’”
  20. "The gaslight was on, but no one was home."
  21. “I couldn’t help but wonder: Are men are biologically RIGGED against monogamy?”
  22. “He also sought to censor my media colleagues-which made me ask: Had my comfort come at the expense of my freedom? And would it be my soul that ended up footing the bill?"
  23. "Maybe Miranda was right that, in my passive compliance, I had become a 'NotSee.'"
  24. "Who would I end up choosing-Mr. Big or The Russian? Was there even a difference anymore? It's times like this I wish I had moved to the woods in Canada with Aidan."