Life Tips & Hacks for the Morally Bankrupt

Sometimes you have to go through life with a "fuck it" attitude.
  1. Tip: things in kiosks are free if you run fast enough.
    Kiss my ass Sunglass Hunt
  2. Hack: Racism is a great way to get out of jury duty.
    Disclaimer: this will have the opposite effect in the south & parts of the Midwest. Take note of how many republicans hold elected office in that area & act accordingly.
  3. Tip: friends & family are great to mooch from.
    When it comes time to pay them back just find new friends & family.
  4. Hack: you can save time on social media by not being a vegan.
    Vegans spend an average of 8.3 minutes more on social media than people who eat meat. This time is spent shaming meat eaters, boasting about saving the environment, & selling hemp jewelry on Etsy.
  5. Hack: food poisoning is an affordable & nearly effortless way to lose weight.
    Save money in gym memberships, get aquatinted with your toilet, save time by not cooking anything, & work your kegels via intense pooping.
  6. Tip: if you ever feel depressed, watch videos on YouTube.
    If you spend enough time on YouTube, you'll eventually stumble across something that will make you feel good about yourself, but only if you really put things into perspective. Whether it's the fact that an obese woman with no discernible talents' fans or a guy that video tapes a fight so he can yell "world star" for the entirety of the video. These people will give you a sense of superiority knowing that you aren't one of them.
  7. Hack: steal a service dogs tags.
    This way you can bring your dog everywhere & no one will bother you for it.
  8. Tip: don't invest in the stock market, unless you are already cheating.
    If done right you could even profit if your cheating backfires. (See 2008 for more details).