How to piss me off.

  1. Cat call me.
    I'll probably respond as if I were a teacher scolding a child for peeing on the swings, "That is inappropriate and unacceptable." Yeah. 10 year old you is scared shitless right now.
  2. Be the auto-correct on my phone that kept changing the word, "shitless" to "shirtless".
    You know what I meant, phone. Let's be adults here.
  3. Remind me that because I am younger than you, I am inferior to you.
    It's funny how quickly a wonderful conversation about the world can turn into a "life lesson". I'm twenty two, thank you for telling me that I'm too young to do whatever it is we were previously chatting about.
  4. Be whatever item I cannot find but desperately need at that moment.
    Keys, phone, debit card, ID, medication, horse tranquilizers etc.
  5. Demand respect FROM me whilst being disrespectful TO me.
    You will not get it.
  6. Insult anyone I deeply care for.
    You're going to get a talking to!
  7. Touch my hair without asking.
    Yes, it's naturally curly. Yes, it's real. I promise I'm not lying. No need to test my honesty.
  8. Ask me if I'm married.
    I have no problem with marriage. I have no objection to someday getting married. I'm am however in a committed relationship with a fantastic gent, and when I respond to your advances with "I have a boyfriend." And you respond back, "Ah, you're still single." Expect to get the exact opposite of your preferred outcome.
  9. Be the driver that is horribly inconveniencing me by doing absolutely nothing wrong.
    I apologize in advance.