I am one of the shamed, the few, those who have never seen a Star Wars movie. Until today, Christmas Day, 2015. This is extensive so buckle up we're going lightspeed
  1. I totally understand why this music is iconic. I like this.
  2. I sort of thought the scrolling text would be longer. This was short and sweet. I wish I could get away with this in a screenplay- just make them read the exposition.
  3. This pilot is handsome. Hello.
  4. How does this robot work??? BB-8, is that how it's spelled? How does he roll like that? Who made him? I want to know the technological history of this world.
  5. Oh man the sounds he makes are really expressive. I sort of want to hug him but don't know how I would.
  6. Sup lady fighter there will be one million more of you this Halloween.
  7. Why is Rey on such a dumb planet all alone?
  8. I want this to be a movie about robbing the greedy food guy.
  9. Storm troopers are not as tough as they look? Why are their butts so exposed???
  10. Man Fin slow your roll. Rey is not that into you yet. Stop holding her hand ya weirdo.
  11. I see that there is now no way for the plot to veer off into being a movie about robbing the greedy food guy. They are getting shot at.
  12. I don't understand the motivations or the hierarchy of the dark side. The black capes look good though.
  13. Could I rock a black cape?
  14. Where are the best black cape stores?
  15. I could fit a lot of pockets in a cape.
  16. IT TURNED INTO ROBBING THE GREEDY FOOD GUY!!!! They stole his ship!!! And it turns out to be a famous ship!!!! Justice! Validation!
  17. Han Solo is home! Good for him. I've heard of him.
  18. Lots of action lots of fighting. This is a very long sequence meant to tell us that Han is roguish. Message received.
  19. Okay I don't. Care. What. Anyone. Will. Say. But I totally sense some sexual tension between Han and Rey so watch out Fin you have some competition from a guy not named after the weirdest looking part of the fish.
  20. Who is this bug eyed lady and does she want to be my best friend???
  21. Ooooh girl Rey that light saber is calling you better answer it
  22. One word? Two words? Lightsaber
  23. I'm confused by everyone's motivations.
  24. If Luke's location is such a mystery how would anyone make a map to find him?? Did he make it?? It seems like he wouldn't do that.
  25. Why is he so important anyway? He has morals and is good at fighting? What?
  26. The premise of this movie seems a little flimsy to be completely honest.
  27. I like all the running and shooting though. I would be good at that. How do I audition for this?
  28. It's just like the death star but way bigger! How do you get enough storm troopers to man these things? Because I haven't seen a single well populated planet so far
  29. It's not even in 3D but these sweeping camera movements are making me nauseated
  31. I bet he's actually fine
  32. He'll be even more roguish and handsome after a good fall
  33. Lots of escaping involved in this. It's all a little convenient? Enjoyable though, this is good, this is good.
  35. Closure between Rey and Fin is not satisfactory and that's how I know more is gonna happen there and they're gonna make out one day
  36. Oh my god that's so many steep stairs oh my god
  37. The force can't take you up there?
  38. Well I guess that's Luke.
  39. More camera spinning. I'm gonna vom up these peanut butter m&ms
  40. The best kind of m&ms
  41. I like Star Wars now!