8 Moves You’ll Never Master in Bed, No Matter How Hard You Try

  1. 1.
    Pulling the corner of the sheet back over the mattress while you’re lying in it, after it comes off in the middle of the night.
  2. 2.
    Convincing yourself you don’t really need to go to the bathroom that badly.
  3. 3.
    Starting a dream where it left off last night because it was a really good dream.
  4. 4.
    Turning off the alarm clock using the power of your mind.
  5. 5.
    Getting the blankets back from under your dog.
  6. 6.
    Getting the proper amount of sleep if you work, or if you’re unemployed, or underemployed, or if you live with someone, or if you’re all alone, or if you have a baby, or if you have an older child, or if you’re infertile.
  7. 7.
    Solving homelessness.
  8. 8.
    That filthy, disgusting thing you just looked up on Urban Dictionary.