1. Do you own a cauldron?
  2. Do you do spells in that cauldron?
  3. Do those spells lure children for the purpose of capturing and eating them?
  4. Do you “just love the fall?”
  5. Do you own a pointy hat?
  6. Do you wear that pointy hat while eating the captured children?
  7. Do you coordinate that pointy hat with a quilted vest and/or riding boots?
  8. Do you own a broom?
  9. Do you fly on that broom?
  10. Do you cackle while you fly on that broom?
  11. Do you fly on that broom, cackling after having just eaten a bunch of children?
  12. Do you grocery shop in athletic apparel?
  13. Are the children you eat certifiably organic and non-GMO?
  14. Do you eat children by themselves, or atop a raw kale salad?
  15. Do you sometimes prefer cold-pressed children?
  16. Do you like your children with a side of guac, despite the fact that it costs extra?
  17. Do you own a mirror-mirror-on-the-wall?
  18. Is it floor length?
  19. Do you use it for taking selfies?
  20. Are they #yaaassskweeeeen?
  21. Are you in line at Trader Joes?
  22. Is that a Pumpkin Spice Latte?