Dater's Index

  1. Number of first dates I went on from the Internet between January 2009 and November 2010: 40
  2. Percentage change over the previous decade: +3,900
  3. Number of those I went out with more than once: 13
  4. Number of those I went out with more than three times: 8
  5. Number of those I have zero memory of: 7
  6. Chances my date was named Matt or Jeff: 1 in 5
  7. Occasions on which I lied to shorten first dates: 4
  8. Estimated time, in minutes, that I am now capable of making small talk: 60
  9. Percentage change over the previous 33 years: +500
  10. Estimated percentage of profiles containing the description “fun-loving”: 80
  11. Estimated percentage of people who do not actually love fun: 0
  12. Estimated percentage of single people in Los Angeles who both work and play hard: 85
  13. Estimated number of times I rewrote my profile: 7
  14. Estimated number of times I wore the same dress on first dates: 28
  15. Estimated number of times I switched my own “body type” check box: 12
  16. Estimated number of martinis consumed on first dates: 76
  17. Estimated number of months it took me to realize a first date should be coffee: 11
  18. Percentage of men I met who self-identified as writers: 26
  19. Chances that someone from this group actually made money writing: 1 in 4
  20. Percentage of men who outrageously lied about their height: 8
  21. Percentage of men who slightly bent the truth about their height: 20
  22. Approximate percentage of men who were allergic to my cat: 95
  23. Age of youngest person I went out with: 22
  24. Age of oldest person I went out with: 50
  25. Range, in years, between them: 28 (yikes)
  26. Number of men who disappeared after our first date: 7
  27. Number of times I disappeared after a first date: 3
  28. Chances that I was told I was better-looking in person than in my photos: 1 in 3
  29. Chances that I was told I didn’t look like my photos, but not specifically better-looking in person: 1 in 5
  30. Estimated number of times I swore off online dating: 5
  31. Estimated number of friends I convinced to try online dating: 8
  32. Number of men I met who became my Facebook friends: 10
  33. Number who are still my Facebook friends: 7
  34. Number who are still my actual friends: 5
  35. Chances that the first email I received from someone was to ask for tips on getting a job in advertising: 1 in 4
  36. Number of times I was pitched an idea for a commercial in an email: 15+
  37. Number of times I was told I look like Peggy Olsen (I don’t): 1
  38. Number of months it took me to remove all references to my job from my profile: 11
  39. Number of first dates resulting in trips to the E.R.: 1
  40. Number of first dates resulting in receiving an offer for a discount on a weight-loss seminar: 1
  41. Number of first dates resulting in the realization that my date was actually crazy: 1
  42. Number of times I thought maybe this was it, but it wasn’t it: 3
  43. Number of first dates it took before meeting the right one: 39
  44. Number of times we flaked out on each other before we actually met: 3
  45. Time, in months, that passed between our initial contact and first meeting: 9
  46. Time, in months, that we have now been happily living together: 9
  47. Likelihood, in percent, that I will tell you online dating is the best thing ever: 100