Eleven Things One Should Never Say While Climaxing With a New Lover

By Adam Skalman
  1. 1.
    "Please don’t let them send me back to prison!"
  2. 2.
    "Only three more until my thetan becomes Clear!"
  3. 3.
    "Put the lotion in the basket!"
  4. 4.
    "You’re not my real mom!"
  5. 5.
    "We are going to be the most amazing parents!"
  6. 6.
    "Remember, I was never here!"
  7. 7.
    "I’m a Libertarian!"
  8. 8.
    "You will live to regret this!"
  9. 9.
    "It was Earth all along!"
  10. 10.
    "I was the one who took your Criterion Collection DVD of 'The Royal Tenenbaums' from its case, replacing it with Disc Nine of that Ken Burns documentary on tintype pornography. I am not sorry I did it!"
  11. 11.
    "Can you move a little to the left? You’re ruining my shot!"