First Lines to Books I Won't Write

By Jim Behrle
  1. Michael Kindness slept.
  2. In the end, as it was in the beginning and is now, I was a sad sack with time and a harmonica.
  3. Being the last man on Earth ain't what it's cracked up to be.
  4. I keep asking myself, "Self, when am I going to get my Wiffle Ball back?"
  5. "Would you like a bag with that?" the clerk asked clerkishly.
  6. It was not the best of times -- not by a long shot, Slappy.
  7. Captain Picard and Commander Riker emerged from the holodeck looking rather sour.
  8. It is inevitable that the experience of knocking Noxema facial cleansing cream to the bathroom floor reminds me of springtime and hyacinths.
  9. In retrospect, going back in time just to watch the Velvet Underground play at Max's Kansas City was a terrible idea.
  10. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," he thought.
  11. On second thought, no.
  12. Nomar Garciaparra was born on July 23, 1973 in Whittier, California.