Honest RÉsumÉ Objectives
By Lauren Kirby
- •Creative and driven individual seeking a lunch break longer than the allotted 30 minutes. Willing to stroll in late everyday.
- •Highly fertile, single female in her mid-twenties not willing to connect her LinkedIn to her Facebook account. Please don’t look at either.
- •Honest, efficient applicant who strives to work to the best of her ability, with skills including limited movement or physical activity and a cold, dead stare.
- •Multi-talented worker who wonders if her new coworkers will talk about her big nose when she’s not in the room.
- •Self-starter who did not seize the opportunity to intern anywhere and fears that everyone else her age (and younger) are more qualified and she’ll be doomed for all eternity.
- •Self-starter who seized the opportunity to intern everywhere and now can handle up to 6+ coffee orders and refill toner on multiple printer models.