Jokes I Tell Myself to Stave Off a Breakdown

  1. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: What else does a chicken with no purpose, no direction, and a ton of debt do?
  2. A rabbi, a priest, and a minister go fishing in a boat. They paddle past me as I flail my arms, pleading for rescue. They all go to the bar afterwards.
  3. - Knock, knock. - Who’s there? - I don’t even know anymore.
  4. Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: The catfish doesn’t know how unhappy it is and at least the lawyer went to law school.
  5. The Woman and the Genie...
    A woman in her early 30s finds a lamp. She brushes off the dust and a genie appears. “I will grant you one wish,” he says. “I thought I got three?” the woman asks. “You spoiled brat, now you get nothing.” The genie disappears. “Wait, I just thought it was always three! Come back!" the woman begs. "I want to wish for something that seems non-threatening but is actually a burden or punishment.” The genie returns. “You already have that,” he says. Then he goes to a bar afterwards.