By David Yontz (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/lesser-known-paradoxes)
- •Sondheim’s ParadoxWhen a man thinks he is meant to be with a woman because of their shared love of musicals, but can’t tell her, because she will think he is gay.
- •Falwell’s ParadoxWhen a Christian’s unwavering urge to share Christ’s message of love to everybody they know causes them to be hated by everybody they know.
- •Kirk's ParadoxWhen a person’s increasing number of Star Trek insignia tattoos leads to exponentially decreasing chances of ever being hired by NASA.
- •Franklin's ParadoxWhen an individual must abandon all self-respect in order to belt out a riotous karaoke version of “Respect.”
- •DiFranco’s ParadoxWhen the only factor preventing a feminist from being paid the same as her male coworkers is a degree in Feminist Studies.
- •Kinsey’s ParadoxWhen a young man’s encyclopedic knowledge of human sexuality textbooks prevents him from ever getting laid.
- •Folger's ParadoxWhen a lack of coffee in the morning prevents an individual from being able to functionally leave their home to buy coffee.
- •Coolio's ParadoxWhen an individual cannot get a credit card because of having too much street cred
- •Chong's ParadoxWhen a group of individuals constructs elaborate plans for a unique way to get high, but fail to remember their plans, because they get high.