Reasons Your Child May Be Repeatedly Yelling “mom!” From the Top of the Stairs

  1. Needs glass of water
  2. Spilled glass of water
  3. Needs shower temperature adjusted by imperceptible degree
  4. Scrubby thing stuck to faucet
  5. Needs towel that is hanging approx. 15 inches away
  6. Itchy kneecaps require lotion
  7. Needs help rubbing lotion into kneecaps
  8. Too much lotion on kneecaps!
  9. Kneecaps sting real bad
  10. Needs band-aid
  11. Not that band-aid
  12. Announcing need for or accomplishment of defecation
  13. Wants you to watch stuffed dog being thrown into the air
  14. Wants you to watch stuffed dog being punched in the face
  15. Wonders whether it hurts Godzilla’s feelings when he is attacked with planes and guns when all he wants is a snack
  16. Wants a snack
  17. Wonders what happens after death
  18. Wonders why someone spray-painted “God is dead” on the side of that bridge
  19. Requires concise introduction to existentialism
  20. Requires boxes of various sizes
  21. Requires hot glue gun for that goddamn balsa wood airplane you bought in Latvia
  22. Just making sure you're still there