Scenes From "the Undead Big Chill"
By Ross Murray (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/scenes-from-the-undead-big-chill)
- •At his funeral, Alex (Kevin Costner) rises from his casket and begins attacking the organist, who’s playing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” William Hurt arrives in the nick of time and severs Alex’s head with a crucifix. Quips, “He went out with a fang, not a whimper.”
- •Kevin Kline is lured upstairs by William Hurt to “kill a bat.” Hurt then bites Kline, infecting him with the zombie virus. Kline splits open Hurt’s skull with a badminton racket. Soundtrack plays “He’s So Fine.”
- •Macho TV actor Tom Berenger attempts to leap into his convertible but trips over a zombie and is eaten.
- •JoBeth Williams gets into a fight with her husband and eats him.
- •Everyone gets stoned.
- •Meg Tilly says, “I haven’t met that many happy people in my life. How do they taste?”
- •Jeff Goldblum practically begs for someone to eat him, but to no avail. Pathetically eats self.
- •After spending a night feasting on the entrails of Mary Kay Place, Kevin Kline is greeted in the morning by a smirking Glenn Close. “You don’t have to be in such a good mood,” she says. He bites off her face.
- •Having eaten everyone, Kevin Kline says to the camera, “How much sex, fun, and offal can one man take?” Fade to black.