Security Questions for Single, Childless People
By Shannon Reed
- •Out of all your friends' children, what is the first name of the one you find most annoying?
- •What is the make and model of the car you were driving when you realized you don't actually like to share with anyone?
- •What is the middle name of the ex-boy/girlfriend whose profile photo you look at from time to time so as to comfort yourself that you made the right choice in ending the relationship?
- •What is the age your mother cites when saying, "I thought by the time you turned ____ you'd be married"?
- •What was the name of the street of the Starbucks where you had that blind date, which made you resolve to never go on blind dates again?
- •What was the name of the town you got the hell out of when you graduated from high school?
- •What is the color of the fur of the cat that will chew on your leg after you die alone at home and leave all of your pets without any food or water?
- •What is the ratio of the amount of times you've had casual sex in the past year compared to the amount of times your married best friend assumes you've had casual sex?
- •In one word, sum up your worst New Year's Eve. (Examples: "Measles." "Robocop.")
- •When taking a road trip on your own, what is the first name of the celebrity you pretend is in the passenger seat with you?
- •What was the title of the song that was playing when you realized that your family's genetic line was going to end with you?