Some Things That Are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day

  1. War
  2. Disease
  3. Death of a loved one
  4. Delivery guy bringing you the wrong food
  5. That piece of skin that sticks up between your nail and finger and when you try to peel it it ends up tearing off more of your skin
  6. Ripping off a belt loop trying to pull your jeans up
  7. Clicking the ‘X’ instead of the tab of something you were letting buffer
  8. Dropping your last piece of gum
  9. Getting kicked in the face by a goat
  10. Leaving a baby on a bus
  11. Not being able to press a letter on your keyboard because there’s food stuck underneath it
  12. Racism
  13. Inverted eyelash
  14. Finding food you forgot you microwaved three days later
  15. Having to poop at your friend’s tiny studio apartment
  16. Accidentally drooling while speaking
  17. Being kidnapped by a cartel
  18. Swallowing a pill sideways