RULES FOR BEING A NANNY BY DAY AND A QUEEN BY NIGHT!
It's like Mrs Doubtfire but less fun and only one Sally Field sighting.
- •What to do when someone asks, "Why are you covered in glitter?"Just remind them it's because you're a fucking star!
- •What if a kid finds a breast insert in your back seat?Tell them it's a frisbee and let them throw it around Griffith Park. (Take photos for a future list entitled Why I Got Fired)
- •So you went a little to wild the night before and now you have a hangover?Nap time if fun for everyone! Even kids who've stopped taking naps! Just force them into bed, snatch one of there pillows and pass out on the cold hard floor beside them. Bonus points if you out sleep them!
- •Oh no! You finish work at 6 and have a show at 8?You better snatch a glue stick from a toddler and start working on those eyebrows on the 101. (If people stare just show them the fake tit frisbee and they'll understand)
- •You ran out of contour for the show tonight?Never take a toddler to a makeup store, convince him it's a candy store, and give him some stale gum from your glove compartment. It's wrong.
- •Need to learn the lyrics to Khia's classic hit 'My Neck, My Back'?Listen to it on repeat while driving the toddlers to the park! It's the head, shoulders, knees, and toes of there generation.
- •Trying to keep your kids cool?Teach them drag slang so every time you come over they'll ask you to "spill the tea hunty?" And you can tell them all about how Pickle and Jewels came for you and snatched your gig the night before. (You'll get it later)
- •So your nails are painted?No ones actually said anything to me about this. Which is super cool.