My First Trip "Down The Cape"

With living in Massachusetts and having many white friends comes much talk of The Cape™. I've always been interested in this mysterious, illustrious Cape™ and having new experiences/seeing new places. This weekend, a friend invited me to go with her to The Cape™; imagine my delight! Four hours later, the descent was swift and intense
  1. 1.
    We had to bike an hour to get to our hostel
    I started biking again at home and I love it. We biked through the woods and over sand and there was many an incline so I was not too thrilled about the trip. My friend, however, was possessed by the spirit of Bear Grylls and was biking as if her life was on the line. When I did have good bouts of energy and was able to make strides, she immediately put in more work to pass me then had the audacity to tell me to "hurry up". If I recall correctly, I did not register for the Tour de Fucking France
  2. 2.
    Covered in bug bites
    Hydrocortisone doesn't work as effectively on emotional irritation as it does physical irritation. Jokes on us, though, we don't have any hydrocortisone anyway!
  3. 3.
    She lost my new hat
    Sure, it was 5 dollars from Stop & Shop, and sure, capitalism will endure and when I return I will get a new one, but it made me feel a little bit like Beyoncé and a little bit like a witch in "American Horror Story: Coven". I had been wearing it for over a week straight, I loved it so. Plus, all of the outfits chosen for this trip were based around said hat
  4. 4.
    I found a monstrosity in my hair the size of my pinky nail.
    I suppose you could say that I was "projecting my anger" at The Cape™ on this bug, and I suppose you would be "undoubtedly, unfailingly correct" if you said that.
  5. 5.
    I had to perform a "tick check"
    I have never heard this phrase in my life. Look, I love nature, hiking, biking and being in touch with the outdoors. I love being at peace and meditating and there is no better place for that than the outdoors. But this impromptu game of Survivor we played was unnecessary
  6. 6.
    Update: we were warned about this one woman's snoring in our room and she in fact does sound like someone trying to start a chainsaw that died four years ago
    It is 3:38 in the morning
  7. 7.
    My friend asked me if I wanted to get high. Right now.
    Listen bitch
  8. 8.
    In summation, "down the cape"? Up my ass
  9. 9.
    It is very scenic, though, and I am glad I got out of my city and did something new. Two points for The Cape™.
  10. 10.
    I am staring deep into the abyss of the plumbers crack of the woman in the bed across from mine
    9:03 AM
  11. 11.
    Talked to some bright and cool older women about sexual assault and politics
    The very same women from #s 6 and 10! Very lovely. The Cape™, three points.