SIX THINGS COLLEGE STUDENTS DO THAT DRIVE PROFESSORS BONKERS

Seriously, if you're in college, please stop doing these things. You're driving your professors into an early grave.
  1. 1.
    Asking me the thing I just explained five minutes ago
    I =just= said that. Literally. Like it just came out of my mouth and is still hanging there above my head in a little cartoon balloon. I swear if one more person asks me when a paper is due three seconds after I tell the class when the paper is due, I'm going to start doing quaaludes before class.
  2. 2.
    Asking me what your grade is
    Grades are not murder mysteries. You don't have to wait until the end to find out what happened. There is a simple way to figure out your grade at any point in time: how many points have been available? How many points have you gotten? Divide the second number by the first. Gasp. That's your grade. It's like MAGIC.
  3. 3.
    Thinking I care if you like me
    This current set of students has been socially conditioned to believe they need to love their teachers and that learning should always be FUN!(tm) Well, I don't care if you like me and classes shouldn't be designed for maximum fun. They should be designed to actually teach you something. If you like me and my class, cool. But if not, I'm not crying myself to sleep. I =have= friends.
  4. 4.
    Acting like school is some sort of burden
    Listen, first world child: you =get= to go to college. That puts you in the upper 10% of all human beings on the planet in terms of level of education. You are currently being educated to a level that 9 out of 10 people on Earth NEVER will be. And you want to cry because I assigned you 10 pages of reading this week? Please bottle your tears as you cry them, because I want to drink them - I bet they're delicious.
  5. 5.
    Thinking "anecdote" and "evidence" are the same word
    As much as I enjoy your story about a thing that "happened to a dude you used to hang out with," no, your story does not refute years worth of research. "That's not true for me" is not a catch-all for "you're wrong." And nobody cares what you "believe in." Saying you don't "believe in" white privilege is like saying you don't believe in turtles. Turtles don't give a shit if you "believe in" them. They go on about their turtle business. Things don't require your "belief" to exist, kid.
  6. 6.
    Asking me to move the final so you can go home early for break/end of the semester/end of the year
    Don't you think I want to be done with this semester, too? I want it to be summer as much as you do. I love my spring break, too - I'm gonna spend it drinking wine and watching Game of Thrones instead of shotgunning tequila out of some poor-choice-making sophomore's navel, but still. I love it. So if I have to stay here, you have to stay here. Petty? Probably.