THINGS I ASSUME HAPPEN IN STAR WARS
I've never seen the movies. I'm a terrible, terrible person.
- •The At-Ats trample Darth VaderThose are the things that look like hamburgers on stilts right? Well, they find a way to breach the electric fence and stomp on Darth Vader, crushing his cool mask.
- •ROTJ-Fraggle Rock-Muppet Babies crossoverReturn of the Jedi is directed by Jim Henson. That's why there's so many puppets. He just gave the Muppet Babies laser guns and said, "have at it!"
- •Billy Dee Williams enters a pop-locking contestHe wears a really cool hip-hop outfit and recruits Luke and Leia to be a part of his dance team. C3PO does choreography. Channing Tatum is there.
- •Chewbacca's chewing causes Leia's kidnapHe's named that because he takes a long time chewing his food. That's why Leia gets kidnapped, because he takes too long. No one likes Chewbacca. He's a real piece of shit.
- •Harrison Ford shoots George LucasBut George Lucas shot him first? He's in jail now, that's why JJ Abrams is directing.
- •Luke confronts Darth on Maury PovichThat's when he says, "Luke, I am your daddy." The audience goes nuts. Then Darth tootsie rolls off the stage.
- •Luke and Leia's incest baby is revealed as Jabba the HutThat's why he has a few screws loose.
- •Crow T Robot from Mystery Science Theater 3000 has a cameoHe plays one of the battle droids in Phantom Menace.
- •Attack of the Clones is a sequel to MultiplicityMichael Keaton's clones attack the Death Star. Boba Fet is there and he's like, "Damn son!"
- •Someone fed Yoda after midnight and he turns into an evil GremlinThat's why he talks backwards.