AN EXERCISE IN VULNERABILITY

  1. For the first time in 3 years, and 2 months, and 13 days, I'm going to wake up tomorrow and my heart isn't going to hurt.
  2. Because today I gave myself a gift.
  3. Today I decided I was no longer going to sit quietly and pretend my feelings didn't matter.
  4. I was no longer going to be afraid of upsetting a person I love.
  5. I was no longer going to be afraid of being defined by this singular situation.
  6. I was no longer going to find resilience in keeping my mouth shut and a smile on my face.
  7. I was no longer going to unilaterally decide that the other person wouldn't care.
  8. Because here's the thing, when you privatize your feelings, you are telling others you are not worth their consideration.
  9. You are telling yourself your feelings are invalid.
  10. We have personal responsibility to be honest about our feelings, not only for ourselves but for others.
  11. Every day you make the conscious choice conceal your feelings about something, you lose the privilege of complaining about it because at that point, you are the one hurting yourself.
  12. And I was hurting.
  13. For 3 years, and 2 months, and 13 days I was hurting.
  14. But not tomorrow.
  15. Tomorrow I will be free.