HO, HO, WHOA: UNBOXING SOMETHING FABULOUS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE FROM AN AWESOME INTERNET STRANGER

  1. It started with a knock on the door.
  2. And then this happened. HOW I RESPOND TO A KNOCK AT THE DOOR
  3. Because let's face it, Secret Santa anticipation or not, some things don't change.
  4. But this time, instead of nothing, there was something.
  5. And something is always better than nothing.
  6. Unless that something is avocado, in which case nothing is better than something.
  7. But let me assure you, this something? Soooooo much better than avocados.
  8. It's like if wine and chocolate and unicorns and rainbows all got together and made a baby.
  9. And this something still beats that magical chocolate unicorn baby.
  10. But back to the topic of utmost importance.
  11. THE. PACKAGE.
  12. The mysterious tube of a package.
  13. I brought it inside and I fondled it for a minute.
  14. Or lots of minutes.
  15. And I put it down because I told myself I was going to save it until Christmas.
  16. Because I have a ridiculous amount of patience when it comes to not opening gifts.
  17. But guys, the package kinda gave away what was inside. LOOK!!! It's got books on it. That gives it a 100% success rate.
  18. And it's from some magical land called Litographs.
  19. LITOGRAPHS!
  20. So, by law, I was forced to open it.
    Granted it was a law that I just made up, kinda like those bs Facebook copyright laws people cite 3 times a year. But still justification.
  21. I jammed the butt end of the nail clippers under the cap end of the package.
    (Anyone else notice how universal a tool nail clippers are? I use them as scissors almost as often as I use scissors as scissors.)
  22. And now, it's time for the tilt and reveal.
  23. And wow.
  24. Just look at it.
  25. Absorb it.
  26. I'll sit here quietly while you do.
  27. The words. I don't have them.
  28. So it's probably a good thing this has about 40,000 of them.
  29. Say what? You say.
  30. Yup. Words. Lots of them.
  31. Let's zoom in and take a closer look, shall we.
  32. That's the text of Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises" making up the picture.
  33. The photos don't do it justice.
  34. Not even close.
  35. And yes, I did run out and get a frame for it. Like 2.5 seconds after I finally stop staring at it. Which might have been 3.1415 hrs after I opened it.
  36. But since this was shipped direct from the company there is no useful return address.
  37. And there was no card.
  38. So I don't know who to thank.
  39. My gut says Secret Santa.
  40. But it could also be some crazy stalker.
  41. Never underestimate the stalker I tell ya.
  42. You can totally be one and the same if you want. I'm cool with that.
  43. But if you don't come forward how can we be friends?
  44. And if we aren't friends how will I make my real life friends jealous of my friends who live in my phone?
  45. How will I be able to send you cookies?
  46. So, until you feel like stepping out of the shadows Random Internet Stranger of Awesomeness, just know that I hardcore think the 🌎 of you.
  47. I've got the spirit fingers of joy to prove it.
  48. And I raise my glass of eggnog (well really my glass of rum because it stopped being eggnog an hour ago) to @ChrisK. You sprinkled the seeds of joy and they have bloomed into something beautiful in our little Internet corner of the world. Well done, good Sir, well done!