THAT INFECTIOUS LITTLE THING CALLED DOUBT

  1. Every morning he makes me stand in front of the mirror
  2. And utter the phrase that makes me weak in the knees
  3. That makes my mouth dry
  4. I catch his eye in the mirror as he stands behind me
  5. Waiting
  6. Waiting for me to say it
  7. Waiting for me to believe it
  8. Believe that I'm beautiful
  9. "I'm fat"
  10. "No, you're beautiful" he says
  11. But I wonder if it's possible to be both
  12. ...
  13. On nights like this
  14. When the doubts creep in
  15. I wait patiently
  16. For him to fall asleep
  17. For the chance to check his phone
  18. Certain I'll find evidence of the joke
  19. He must be playing on me with some skinny bitch barbie
  20. Because what could he see in me?
  21. ...
  22. It's quiet
  23. So very quiet
  24. The room, not my brain
  25. Which is running mock nine with doubts
  26. The only sound filling the room
  27. Is his rhythmic breathing
  28. Inhale
  29. Exhale
  30. And the occasional snore
  31. Delicate
  32. Low-pitched
  33. Almost a soft sigh
  34. And I wonder what he's thinking about
  35. And how he can be so at peace
  36. ...
  37. The energy in the room starts to shift
  38. And I sense that he's awake
  39. I feel his hands wrap around me
  40. And pull me close
  41. So that I can feel him pressed up against me
  42. "You feel what you do to me" he whispers
  43. As if he could hear my doubts
  44. And kisses me hard
  45. Before he drifts back to sleep
  46. And for now
  47. I believe it