1. Without my electrified fence, flaming gasoline trench, and razor-clawed ostriches in place, what's to keep the illegals from blowing over the border in the hurricane?
  2. Why was Pete Rose trending tonight, and I wasn't?
  3. How much longer until I can start hinting at the other candidate's dark Nazi tendencies? 2 weeks? 3? Tomorrow? Please say tomorrow!
  4. How are there still more candidates in this race then there were episodes of Sh*! My Dad Says.
  5. How am I ever going to find a running mate as good looking as me?
  6. Can I just be my own running mate?
  7. How much did Hillary bill the government for that 11 hr speaking engagement this week?