TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT, EVERYTHING YOU DO THAT MAKES ME SWIPE TO THE LEFT

  1. The "I-don't-actually-own-this-car-but-I-want-you-to-think-I-do-and-when-I-show-up-in-a-1988 Toyota-I'll-tell-you-it's-because-my-car-broke-down-just-before-our-date-so-I-had-no-choice-but-to-borrow-my-slacker-friend's-car" pose
  2. The "I'm-totally-cheating-on-my-wife-and-my-girlfriend-and-my-other-girlfriend-and-my-side-side-side-piece-and-I-don't-want-to-be-found-out-so-I'm-gonna-distract-you-with-my-shirtless-abs-centric-mirror-selfie-and-hope-you'll-just-go-with-it" pose
  3. The "I-want-you-to-think-I'm-worldly-so-here-is-a-pic-of-me-at-insert-super-touristy-place-here-but-consider-this-foreshadowing-that-I-will-always-be-the-most-miserable-person-on-any-adventure-you-force-me-to-go-on" pose
  4. The "your-kink-is-probably-not-my-kink-because-my-kink-is-wearing-animal-tails-in-public-and-hooking-up-with-full-on-furries-before-inviting-them-back-to-my-place-and-by-my-place-I-mean-the-basement-of-my-parents-house-where-I-still-live-and-I-hope-you're-not-allergic-to-fake-fur" pose
  5. The "look-at-me-making-what-I-think-is-a-very-subtle-penis-size-implication-to-get-you-subconsciously-thinking-about-having-sex-with-me-but-what-you-don't-realize-is-that-I-will-deflate-faster-than-those-balloons-stuck-with-hundreds-of-knives" pose
  6. The "look-at-me-trying-to-be-all-cool-doing-this-rap-squat-with-my-boy-but-I-don't-realize-that-this-really-comes-off-more-like-a-douchbag-squat-move-and-I've-never-done-this-except-in-this-picture-because-I-see-all-the-other-boys-doing-it-and-I-wanted-to-be-just-like-them-and-little-did-I-know-I-just-look-like-an-ass" pose
  7. The "I'm-just-hanging-out-here-in-my-room-and-thought-I'd-take-a-break-from-watching-porn-to-take-this-super-casual-mirror-selfie-with-my-arm-just-casually-behind-my-head-because-this-is-what-I-do-when-I'm-being-casual-you-know-casually" pose
  8. The "don't-mind-me-just-laying-here-in-my-seduction-pose-looking-creepy-af-in-women's-panties-and-stockings-and-gloves-I'll-have-you-know-that-I-did-not-steal-these-from-a-drag-queen-they-are-in-fact-from-my-own-personal-collection-but-we-can-totally-share-if-we're-the-same-size" pose
  9. The "I'm-so-insecure-with-my-current-looks-that-I'm-using-a-pic-from-when-I-was-12-and-I-don't-understand-why-I'm-not-getting-hit-up-for-sex-more-often-and-what-do-you-mean-you're-not-into-sex-with-minors" pose
  10. The "I-give-zero-fucks-about-everything-and-you-can-tell-because-I-am-standing-here-giving-you-the-finger-while-my-shirt-hangs-effortlessly-from-my-shoulder-while-I-show-off-my-nonexistent-muscles-because-remember-I-give-zero-fucks-and-I-can't-understand-why-I-also-get-zero-fucks-from-the-ladies" pose
  11. The "I'm-not-a-bad-looking-guy-but-I'm-gonna-use-this-photo-of-me-with-Guy-Fieri-because-I-instantly-become-more-appealing-because-I-know-a-celebrity-even-if-it's-a-D-list-celebrity-no-one-cares-about-but-what-I-fail-to-realize-is-Guy-brings-my-standings-waaaaaay-down-and-where-the-hell-is-George-Clooney-when-you-need-him" pose
  12. The "I-saw-Leonardo-dicaprio-do-this-pose-on-the-front-of-the-titanic-and-he-got-the-girl-and-all-women-love-that-damn-movie-and-I've-never-stuck-around-until-the-end-because-it-was-a-boring-ass-romance-movie-but-those-always-end-up-with-happy-endings-so-I-see-no-reason-it-won't-work-for-me-as-well" pose
  13. The "I-came-in-like-a-wrecking-ball-shitty-photoshop-to-cover-up-my-drunken-stripper-pole-routine-and-what-you-don't-realize-is-before-I'm-out-of-your-life-I-will-have-wrecked-your-home-and-your-spirit-and-your-credit-when-I-steal-your-credit-cards-to-buy-thousands-of-dollars-worth-of-Pokeman-shit-from-eBay" pose
  14. The "this-picture-is-funny-because-I'm-not-REALLY-throwing-up-it's-an-optical-illusion-where-I'm-just-standing-in-front-of-the-waterfall-with-my-mouth-open-and-my-buddy-is-20-feet-away-from-me-and-what-do-you-mean-I'm-mansplaining-an-Internet-meme-that's-been-around-for-years" pose
  15. The "you-see-me-here-with-this-hot-girl-that-looks-like-she's-about-to-pass-out-but-what-you-don't-know-is-that-I-only-met-her-5-minutes-ago-and-I've-already-slipped-a-little-somethin'-somethin'-in-her-drink-and-I'm-holding-her-up-here-like-this-so-it-looks-like-she's-having-a-good-time-just-in-case-she-questions-this-in-the-morning" pose