WHAT WOULD YOU ORDER OFF THE [INSERT DATING SITE] SECRET MENU?

We all know the joys of secret menus, the ability to special order a delicious and rarely beheld treat. So tell me, what would you order?
  1. "I'll have the guy with intelligence and humility, with a side of blonde hair and green eyes, please."
  2. "Can I get the guy with a stable job and who hasn't accepted Donald Trump as his savior?"
  3. "One animal lover who enjoys spontaneous road trips, hold the self righteous mansplaining and massive ego."
  4. "One super intelligent and perfectly respectable woman, animal-style in the sheets please."
    Suggested by   @stevecady
  5. "An intelligent, funny woman with a side of Fire Sauce, please. Also, a Happy Meal."
    Suggested by   @eriknmichaelssrn
  6. In the alternative, a beautiful, intelligent, emotionally severe and destructive female lawyer that falls asleep during coitus and a large Sprite, please.
    Suggested by   @eriknmichaelssrn
  7. I'll have the WOKE AF combo: a socially conscious, gainfully employed, kind human who is good with kids and the elderly. ANIMAL STYLE 🐯
    Suggested by   @ohlauren