YO SUPER AWESOME INTERNET PERSON MASQUERADING AS SANTA THIS SEASON

  1. You.
  2. Yes, you.
  3. Hi *waves excitedly at you*
  4. I see you there.
  5. Lurking.
  6. Creeping.
  7. Perving.
  8. Hoping for some hint as to who I am.
  9. What I like.
  10. But you see, I'm not going to out and out tell you the things I like.
  11. Because Santa is an all knowing being.
  12. How else do you explain how he knows when I'm sleeping.
  13. And when I'm awake?
  14. When I've been bad?
  15. When I've been good?
  16. And as the see-it-all know-it-all that he is, he already knows the perfect thing for me.
  17. So you will get no help here.
  18. Sorry.
  19. *sad face*
  20. Anyway,
  21. I'm hoping that you will see this as a chance to share some of your favorite things with me,
  22. Because that is what I plan on doing with my victim.
  23. Errr, recipient.
  24. You see, the season has become so much about "what do you want?"
  25. Think about it, how many times has that phrase been exchanged already between Thanksgiving and right now?
  26. Between parent and child.
  27. Between significant others.
  28. Between siblings.
  29. Between friends.
  30. My guess is a lot.
  31. Like a lot, a lot.
  32. Because the pressure is there.
  33. To give the perfect gift.
  34. Which takes away the joy of gifting.
  35. And makes it a job.
  36. So I'm embracing this opportunity to just pick some fun things that make me smile.
  37. That I think a perfectly awesome internet-stranger-soon-to-be-friend-forever-and-ever-chosen-at-random is going to like as well.
  38. Without the judgement from people I see all the time,
  39. Because it wasn't the right size.
  40. Or the right label.
  41. Or the right color.
  42. But this,
  43. This secret Santa we've all excitedly signed up for with strangers?
  44. It's gifting for the joy of it.
  45. For you.
  46. And for me.
  47. The way the holidays are meant to be.
  48. So go forth, and be joyful in your picking of gift.
  49. I can already guarantee you I'm going to love it.
  50. Because it won't be bills.
  51. Or junk mail.
  52. Or my college looking for money.
  53. Or a bag of poop.
  54. So my mail the day your gift arrives will already be 10000037627193% better than any other mail day.
  55. *throws confetti on you*
  56. PS I REALLY hope you like what you see while you're here snooping around because I'm going to make you be my friend when all is said and done.
  57. PPS please don't send me your bills. You'll be very sad when I don't pay them.
  58. PPPS or a bag of poop. Because that's just not nice.
  59. PPPPS still in doubt? *ahem* unicorn.
  60. PPPPPS or a winning lotto ticket. Which I can then use to come visit you because, as I said, we're gonna be friends forever.
  61. PPPPPPS did my mention of friends forever get this stuck in your head?
  62. PPPPPPPS for the record I have no weird allergies and I'm not easily offended. So, the creative world is your oyster.