WAYS MY BRAIN THINKS I SHOULDAVE BEEN MADE RICH/FAMOUS

My brain likes to think that it was only a matter of timing/hardware/internet connection that stopped me from becoming a big deal at the following things.
  1. YouTube Personality
    My brain repeatedly reassures me that the only reason I'm not a mixture of Ryan Higa/Grace Helbig/Boh3m3/Charlieissocoollike on YouTube is that I didn't have a Mac with iMovie way back when but only a shitty acer webcam. So my lack of direction is solely due to my parents not getting me what I wanted for Xmas. Despite the fact I was about 12 and completely intolerable as a teenager.
  2. Travel Blogger
    I also continue to believe that if I simply wrote down all the banal things I do abroad and put them next to pretty photos, millions would follow me, dancing like Where the hell is Matt? Despite having zero writing history, zero photographic training and also taking almost zero notes of places I went to.
  3. High rising Google employee
    I am a child of the technological generation. I could type faster than old secretaries just from msn messenger. I can google computer problems and read forums about those problems therefore others think I am computer GOD. So why doesn't Google just employ me in their palace office of fun, with peacocks and goats around the office alongside massages from celebrities or whatever the newest thing is. Surely not because I have zero relevant skills or qualifications.
  4. Stock broker
    I wildly speculate about stocks and the market from stories I hear patches of and gesticulate that I would be a millionaire if I were in the stock market. Despite not knowing anything about buying or selling stocks, nor how to invest my own money. Or even how to do my own taxes. But OF COURSE I would've bought Apple back in the day, if only I had been a stock broker... right.
  5. Cafe/bar owner
    I envision creating the coolest bar, with great furniture and decorations, alongside kickass food and drink, sweet music and dirt cheap with a clientele of lovely well behaved patrons of quality establishments. In reality I would buy the cheapest chairs that didn't match the tables we were stuck with, a drunk chef and a stoned bartender all serving customers who would still prefer a cheeky nandos.