Gross Things I've Encountered

Please don't read if you're easily offended by grossness. Please add your own grossness, if you'd like.
  1. Working at Macy's, some guy brought in 8 pairs of worn, dirty underwear briefs to return. He said they were uncomfortable.
    Dirty and took him 8 pairs to figure it out? It was likely a perversion.
  2. Liver blockage caused me to gain 60 lbs of fluid. When it was cleared, fluids migrated to my groin area. My genitals became misshapen, like what I'd imagine the Stay Puft Marshmallow man's genitals look like.
    Freaked me & my wife out. My doctor was cool as a cucumber about it. It went away in a couple of days.
  3. At Disneyworld, a high school cheerleader stepped on my big toe. I felt the nail crack & the toe became deep, dark purple.
    From experience, it will take over 6 months to completely heal.
  4. I had to go to the bathroom really badly but I was in a meeting. About 1 hour later, finally got to go. My BM was so long and thick, it stuck out of the water & backed up the toilet in a public restroom.
    I had no way to clear it, either
  5. After a night of drinking, I took some stranger home from a bar. As we were getting amorous & removing clothes, I noticed a strong smell. Suffice it to say, it was emanating from my guest. All I could think of was the Kool Moe Dee song, "Go See The Doctor."
    I told her I was feeling ill, apologized, and offered to call her a cab, which she declined.
  6. One morning my wife and I woke up to the nastiest smell. Each of us thought the other had dragon breath. Then we noticed the cat had a rope sticking out of his butt. After laughing, I realized I was going to have to remove the rope. As I pulled it out, my cat screeched loudly.
    This is now known as the cat on the rope incident.
  7. After a day of hanging out at the beach, eating vodka-soaked fruit, and much drinking, we were back at a friend's house. One friend looked a bit green and started to vomit. Another friend tried to catch the vomit in his hands to somehow prevent it from making a mess. In his defense, we were drunk.
    The vomiting friend looked like a fountain of barf, and he acquired the nickname The Fountain.