PEOPLE I JUDGE PERHAPS A LITTLE TOO HARSHLY📂

  1. People who put their hands over their ears when a firetruck or ambulance drives by
    We get it! It's loud! You don't need to demonstrate for the rest of us that loud noises can be painful because we're busy experiencing it too! But guess what? It's also MOVING AWAY FROM YOU. In the time it takes for you to raise your hands to the sides of your head it will be gone, and you'll be left looking like you've confused your head for a giant pimple. This goes doubly for people who cover their nose when a garbage truck drives by. It's New York City. It's been smelly since you moved here.
  2. People who judge a beer by its alcohol content
    If you want to order a Belgian Trippel Ale with a 10.9% ABV, I completely understand. But don't choose a shitty beer with an ABV of 5% over another beer that's 4.7 "because you want to feel it more." If you're sensitive enough to alcohol that you can feel the .3% difference then you probably can't handle an entire beer, probably because you're 12. Go home.
  3. People who order light beer
    I work at a bar that prides itself on its beer selection. We sell the beers we sell because we want you to be able to taste them. When you order a light beer you're not only ordering a glass of Cheerio farts, you're ordering the alcoholic equivalent of a well-done burger: still technically food, but with all of the life squeezed out of it. Calorically, the difference between a regular beer and a light beer is the same as eating 2 tortilla chips. If you're watching your weight, skip the pizza.