REASONS TO PUT OFF GOING TO THE GYM
In case you've already run out of them
- •You haven't eaten all day and are afraid you'll pass out on the treadmill
- •You ate too recently and are afraid you'll throw up on the treadmillThis is all I ever think about
- •You can't remember which happened more recently: wearing your gym shorts or washing your gym shorts.But they smell a little bit like your dresser so you should probably go to the laundromat first.
- •You can't find a pair of matching socks
- •All of your clean t-shirts are too nice to wear to the gymWho will appreciate your taste in 80s punk bands if your shirts are covered in pit stains?
- •You can't remember the combination to your padlock for the locker roomIt's probably rusted shut by now anyway
- •It's raining outside and you don't want to work out in wet shoesThat's probably bad for you, right?
- •You can't find your headphones and will NOT be listening to whatever shitty pop music they have onThere's a time and a place for Taylor Swift and they are, respectively, Never and Nowhere
- •You're hungoverNo.
- •You've already showered once today and don't want to have to do it againAll of that soap can't be good for your skin
- •The gym equipment is probably covered in tons of germs and your throat was already a little scratchy this morningAnd if you get sick then you won't be able to pretend you're going to go tomorrow
- •Facebook said someone died on Game of Thrones last night and you have to find out whoBut first you have to reset your HBO GO password
- •You never finished Crime and Punishment in high school but you've had it listed as one of your favorite books on OKCupid for years and you can't go on living that lieAnd you can't decide between buying a physical copy or the Kindle edition
- •You're making a list about reasons to put off going to the gymYou're so fucking meta