REASONS TO PUT OFF GOING TO THE GYM

In case you've already run out of them
  1. You haven't eaten all day and are afraid you'll pass out on the treadmill
  2. You ate too recently and are afraid you'll throw up on the treadmill
    This is all I ever think about
  3. You can't remember which happened more recently: wearing your gym shorts or washing your gym shorts.
    But they smell a little bit like your dresser so you should probably go to the laundromat first.
  4. You can't find a pair of matching socks
  5. All of your clean t-shirts are too nice to wear to the gym
    Who will appreciate your taste in 80s punk bands if your shirts are covered in pit stains?
  6. You can't remember the combination to your padlock for the locker room
    It's probably rusted shut by now anyway
  7. It's raining outside and you don't want to work out in wet shoes
    That's probably bad for you, right?
  8. You can't find your headphones and will NOT be listening to whatever shitty pop music they have on
    There's a time and a place for Taylor Swift and they are, respectively, Never and Nowhere
  9. You're hungover
    No.
  10. You've already showered once today and don't want to have to do it again
    All of that soap can't be good for your skin
  11. The gym equipment is probably covered in tons of germs and your throat was already a little scratchy this morning
    And if you get sick then you won't be able to pretend you're going to go tomorrow
  12. Facebook said someone died on Game of Thrones last night and you have to find out who
    But first you have to reset your HBO GO password
  13. You never finished Crime and Punishment in high school but you've had it listed as one of your favorite books on OKCupid for years and you can't go on living that lie
    And you can't decide between buying a physical copy or the Kindle edition
  14. You're making a list about reasons to put off going to the gym
    You're so fucking meta