THE ORDER IN WHICH I'D EAT A BAG OF SKITTLES IF I HAD ENOUGH SELFCONTROL NOT TO EAT THEM ALL AT ONCE
Saving the best for last, of course.
- •OrangeDoes anyone actually like orange flavor? Orange is the vanilla of the fruity candy world, except that no one can ever agree what an orange tastes like- sometimes orange candy tastes like the actual fruit and sometimes (most of the time) it tastes like a moldy clementine. No kid ever really wanted to get stuck with the orange popsicle, and the few that did were either A) Boring, or B) Too stupid to know the difference between colors and flavors. I would eat these first to get them out of the way.
- •YellowAs a kid I was never a big fan of lemon unless it was followed by "-ade", so I never really liked lemon-flavored candies. They were too tart for me and, like orange, fairly boring. Let's get these out of the way and move on to the Skittles that are actually worth eating.
- •GreenWhat flavor are green skittles nowadays? Lime? Green apple? Either way, green is a better color than yellow, limes are objectively better than lemons (for reasons I'll explain on another list), and green apple skittles are the closest thing we'll ever get to a spherical, chewy version of pie. I don't know if any apple has ever tasted like an apple-flavored candy, but therein lies the magic of green apple Skittles! They allow us to imagine a world where apples taste better than they actually do!
- •RedThis is the only Skittle that tastes more like a color than an actual fruit. I have no idea what flavor they're going for here, but it's delicious. No matter what candy I'm eating, red has always been my second-place favorite flavor, superseded only by grape (unless we're talking about Jolly Ranchers because FUCK grape Jolly Ranchers). Sometimes I feel a little bad for it because it knows it'll never be number one, but at least it knows what it is and I admire that in a flavor. Red's a good guy.
- •PurpleGrape is both the winner and the loser because it has survived the longest in this hypothetically methodical candy-eating scenario, but has had to watch me devour all of its friends and family. So let's cheer it up! Grape is objectively the best flavor of candy. I realize this is a controversial opinion for some because "it doesn't taste like grape," but to those people I say "1. Have you ever had a Concord grape? 2. See entry #3. 3. You have no friends and your opinion does not matter." Enjoy!