DATING ADVICE FROM MY MOM (ADD YOUR MOM'S BEST TIP ++++)

Some good/ some bad. (Been sitting in the drafts for a while cause it's kind of my special material, but giving it the ol' publish to welcome newbies.)
  1. 1.
    "Just lose twenty pounds then he'll fall in love with you"
    Bad.
  2. 2.
    "Just set him up with your friends, then he'll fall in love with you"
    More trouble than it's worth.
  3. 3.
    "Just forget about him and be really successful and then he'll fall in love with you"
    Good. (Ish)
  4. 4.
    "Why are you upset? The only reason to bother worrying over a man is if you're in love or if he can help your career"
    Funny.
  5. 5.
    "Just get a proposal under the belt and see how you feel"
    Thanks, mom.
  6. 6.
    "Just have fun"
    Good.
  7. 7.
    "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve."
    Good.
  8. 8.
    "Everything is an opportunity. Go to every party"
    Anxiety provoking.
  9. 9.
    "Just get two rings under your belt and see you feel!"
    Right on top of it!
  10. 10.
    "You can take out the extra piercings if you need to, right?"
    Useless.
  11. 11.
    'Maybe don't get your hopes up so high each time'
    Suggested by   @tombatten
  12. 12.
    "Put on some lipstick."
    Suggested by   @TT
  13. 13.
    "There's nothing about a man you can't change"
    False
    Suggested by   @hate_my_selfie
  14. 14.
    "Maybe the Cracker Barrel isn't such a good place for a first date"
    Suggested by   @NoahGeisel
  15. 15.
    "The best way to get over a man is to get under another"
    It worked.
    Suggested by   @katmills
  16. 16.
    Stop going out with your best friend. Men will think you are a lesbian (and in true Seinfeld style followed with "not that there's anything wrong with that")
    Suggested by   @alyssa1976
  17. 17.
    Every time he does something good, reward him with a blowjob. He'll learn fast that way.
    Suggested by   @Z
  18. 18.
    wear rubbers
    a glimpse at my unwritten "charming lynn gelfandisms" list.
    Suggested by   @lindsaygelfand